One Month Later

Lately it seems like everything has been messed up.  Maybe I'm stuck on the negative, but I really don't feel like I've been surrounded by this much negativity and had this many unfortunate events stacked against me before in my life.  Maybe I'm just more mature so I can handle it?  I'm not really sure.


These days I feel like crying out in mourning and in praise.  It's such a strange feeling.

My ideas can't be confined and organized now.  I can't even begin to grasp the situation let alone break it apart and build it back in a way that I can understand.  I'll stay scatterbrained and confused until I find the start point of this and understand how this is supposed to go.  For the time being, I'll stay dumbfounded.

The Lord is near the brokenhearted, and He's been reaching out to me in ways so beautiful.  From hearing songs and laughing uncontrollably to finding the beauty in nature, to seeing the stars and feeling distant yet connected.  I'm seeing what parts of life are worth hanging on to and which parts are worth letting go.


And in the one time I have people asking me for advice, I need advice and support.  I hate being in this role, because I don't really play it much.  But more than anything right now, I want fellowship with true friends when I hang with God, too.


Anyway

Reach out to me.  My arms are short and I'm already in the dark. 

Your World is Crashing Like a Wave, But Mine Was Born To Be Saved

So I was thinking here....


The world...is...so encompassed in sin, as are we, the people that live here.  I just got to thinking about our jobs as Christians are to spread the word of God and further the kingdom.

However

you know one reason why it doesn't talk about in the Bible what else we should do, besides spread the message and further the kingdom, is because Christians are relatively a select few.  Most people WILL go to hell.  Most people WILL NOT accept Jesus.  Most people WILL fall...and some Christians will fall from grace because they no longer want Jesus.

And I'm thinking I need to get my crap together, because although grace is a gift, I don't have to accept that.  And if I believe grace has been given to me through the death of Jesus, but I am not having a relationship with Him, fellowshiping with Him, or bearing my own cross, am I really taking that free gift at all?  I would say probably not.

So I'm going to make more effort to be better, but only because my God wants it, and I want it, and I'm willing to let Him hang with me and work with me.  Not that I'm saying I'm more powerful than God, but how much easier will it be for Him to work with a willing heart?  It'll be much easier.




I love the gifts and talents I've been given, and I love my Creator, and I don't like to disrespect Him or make Him unhappy.  Our hearts are connected, and He doesn't need to constantly remind me of what I'm doing wrong, becuase I already know it when He tugs on my heart strings.   This was for me, but if anyone else can relate here, awesome.  Drop a line.

Small Town Anthem

I've been listening to the old stuff I made with Small Town Anthem and it's really good.  You should check it out on iTunes.  The CD is called "Feelin' In Me" and it's available to rock your face off.  I just played drums and had a kickass time in the studio, but its all good.

In any case, I've been workin' on some new tunes and doing the difficult job of thinning out the ones that suck.  It seems that they're all great to my ears at one point in time, then suck later, so this is an extremely difficult process for one person.  Otherwise get ready to hear it soon, and hopefully it'll melt your face and rock your socks off, though I would certainly hope that your face wouldn't be melted and you be sockless, but it's not my fault, you know?

Until then, remember that tomorrow is "Talk Like a Pirate Day" so get your pirate on and make me proud!


Brett

No Internet + Much Work = No Blogz

So this is a song I'm starting on.  I enjoy the lyrics and the message.
It is called "Fell In Love on a Sunday"



I'd like to tell you from the start
in the instance my words fall apart
I'll breathe

and blow you kisses in the shapes of hearts
every breath will be a song
I'll breathe

and feel the wind begin to rush
as my cheeks start to flush
when I tell you what you mean to me

and when we start to touch
as we both start to blush
I'll keep my innocence until proven guilty

in the event we fall
staring in the face of sanctity
I'll breathe

and in the event we stall
despite trying to appease each other
I'll breathe

and if it hurts so much
that you cry yourself to sleep
I'll breathe (for you and me)

and in the event it's good
and better than you thought it could
be...I'll sleep

and feel the wind begin to rush
as my cheeks start to flush
when I tell you what you mean to me

and when we start to touch
for heaven sakes I'll blush
and tell you what you meant to me



Keep your eyes out.  I'll be posting more soon.

Brett

It's been a few days

So I'm not really sure what to write about today.  Lately my life has been a bit busier than normal, though I can't really say how much more productive it has been.  I've been haivng lots of song ideas and not being able to choose which ones to use.  I've been letting God work a lot more, and I've had the intense desire to include Him in my music making, having a partnership you know?  It's pretty awesome, I gotta say.

Otherwise things are pretty normal.  Been working at the BBY, been looking at TV's and such.  I got decked out with a few end tables today, and tomorrow I'll be getting a new desk, so hopefully that means my productivity will also go up, but time will tell.

I'll be sure to keep in touch.  Tomorrow is the Renaissance fair, so hopefully I'll have an update with some sweet stories.

Also, I won 30 bucks at Mystic tonight, so I feel blessed :)  Have a good one errbody!

Could we lower the bar a little more, please?

It seems that in the last however many years the bar has been getting lower and lower to define what Christianity is.  Originally it was exactly what it was about - having a relationhip with Jesus Christ, the one way to get to heaven, and having fellowship with our Creator, getting to know Him and getting to know ourselves at the same time.

Then it turned into a ritual where we would go to a building called a church for one sunday a week and then say we're fans of God, go home and do whatever we want to do, and spend the rest of our week sinning, then to come back to church the next week and say sorry and do it all over again.

Then it turned into "Oh well Christians, Jews, and Muslims all have the same God, so if you're one of those denominations then you're fine."

And now it's a matter of whether or not you believe in anything at all.  If you do believe that there is a possibility of a creator then you're good.  And if you just don't believe in anything, then they need to just believe in something and they'll be okay for eternity.

Yeah freaking right.

Why don't we go back to our roots and figure out where we started growing astray?  The church needs direction again from God and not from social influences and political factions.  I'm sick of seeing this.  Anyone else agree?

Dear Mr. Zataran, your dirty rice sucks

I'm not sure if it is called dirty rice because there is something in the rice that makes it taste horrible, or maybe it's because it has the potential to make the back of your pants dirtier than they've ever been, but there is something about that rice that is slightly disturbing to say the least.

P-Steazy, you silly boy

My favorite celebrity got arrested today, unfortunately.  Mr. Patrick Stump got arrested on having an invalid drivers license during a routine police stop.  A lot of people thought this would tarnish his image as beeing a good dude, but this was his statement to MTV:

"All I really have to say is ignorance of the law isn't innocence...I didn't want to give up my Illinois driver's license and was unaware that was a crime. It is, by the way, in the state of California. Lesson learned. I technically broke a law, so technically I deserve whatever I get. But man, is my mom gonna be pissed"

I think this is hilarious, because I did the exact same thing for a few months and never got caught, and I'm doing the same thing now in Minnesota.  But don't tell nobody!

-Brett-

What's the Deal?

I was listening to "Back Home" and thinking all about California, Minnesota, Iowa, and where I belong or never did.  Looking at the seat next to me that was otherwise vacant except for the other half of my take-out Chinese buffet that I didn't get to finish on my half hour break at Best Buy.  9 hours of work is tiring.

As I exit the vehicle I notice a group of people loitering around a house near by, conversing about random stuff.  As I approach them out of necessity due to them blocking the sidewalk, they start a conversation with me.  They all looked homeless, really hungry, and were giving me the once-over and eyeing my take-out, so this was interesting.

And then they start talking to me about drugs....

What the eff?  Anyway, they start talking about how they are "junkies," their words, not mine.  And start talking about all their problems, and one of the guys who is 41 is practically soliciting his daughter out to me.  So I just keep my cool, talk to them about the day, and then they start praising me for being "cool" and having my "shit right and having my head on right."

I guess maybe this story is pointless, but I just don't understand why I all these perceived societal rejects and creepy people are drawn to me, like I'm some underground hero or something.  I enjoy the conversations, but they're always really weird experiences.  I don't know of this stuff happening to other people.

Anyway....just another day in the life...

The Internet Makes Me Sick

I watched the most disturbing thing I've ever seen in my life today.

As I was surfing the internet I decided to stop at one of my familiar sites, Phil Defranco's site at phillyd.tv. He posted a video of a student of martial artist Bobby Joe Blythe who attacked and stomped down a homeless man who claimed to be taught martial arts by Jesus.

This man was obviously mentally handicapped, and he several times told the student to stop attacking him, but ultimately the student knocked the homeless man down, out, and stomped his head several times, and the man was taken to the dumpster out behind the "dojo."

Pardon my French, but that is fucking disgusting. What kind of rights do people think they have that they can use martial arts to kill homeless people. This is murder.

This just reinforces how awful this world is, how controlled this world is by sin, and how ludicrous these people are. On one hand, I think it is good that the internet can expose these freaking nut jobs to the world, and I sure hope justice is served on Bobby Joe Blythe and that student, and I think it is good that the internet is exposing the kind of craziness that this world is filled with, but I also believe that the interent is making our culture even more hard-hearted, calloused, disturbing, and disgusting.

Within seconds of this video being posted on Phil DeFranco's site I see comments such as "haha, he had it coming," "lulz," "haha that's crazy," and things of that nature. Have people really lost their hearts and minds? I think some people have really lost what it is to be human and have reverted to an animalistic sense of being, and this is horrifying to me.

Seriously, how can seeing another man die right in front of you be material worth laughing at? Sad....very sad...

Tonight was one of the most insane nights of my life, and I want to write this down before I forget about what happened.

I walked outside my apartment to sit down, chill out, and smoke a newport. So as I sit outside, not 30 seconds later a gentleman was struggling down the street trying to find Nicollet avenue, even though he thought it was Nicholas avenue. So after about 45 minutes of talking to him, we finally came to the agreement that I was coherent and it was nicollet avenue.

Up until that point in time, I was getting a bit impatient, because there's only so much I can handle, but God kept reminding me of patience, so I kept it. He sat down to enjoy a newport with me, and was just shooting the crap with me. So I just made the comment, "You know, God is so good dude" and so we started talking about God. I asked him how he felt and all this stuff, and he was telling me how he was sick with Emphazema and COPD (great thing to find out later that I offered him a Newport) but no matter. I prayed for him and prayed this stuff out of his body, and he started breaking down crying. During this time God told me the word "AIDS" and I was just like, "he has this?" and thought nothing of it after that.

So fast forward past me seeing his entire 15 member family, various conversations about his visions, his vices, and telling me his whole life story, and we get to a sensitive topic. He tells me he hasn't been completely honest with me. I am curious, and I say "what's up?" and he says "I've been with the same woman for 33 years...and my family...they love me. But man, I'm HIV positive." At that point my mind was absolutely blown all over the pavement. I thought it was insane that God already told me all this stuff about him and HIV....just crazy! I shared with him some of my testimony so he knew that what I was saying was legitimate, and he got goosebumps all over his body and felt the presence of the Holy Spirit. Then I prayed for him, and he cried some more, and we had a huge celebration.

I invited him to church on friday and sunday, and he left feeling healthy, happy, and refreshed. I am just so glad I got this opportunity to pour out love on this guy, and I'm glad I listened to God and my intuition. This guy even told me I was the only person he had, and he was talking about suicide and killing his daughter, and he was so happy that I talked with him and God was with him tonight.


So God officially blew my mind today. It just goes to show you how big a difference the smallest thing can make. I absolutely love God for His heart, how he wants to heal the sick and heal the broken-hearted like this guy I met (named Lorell). I also thank God for letting me meet a guy like him and be able to take some wisdom from this experience. Amen!


Brett

Words

I think "sibilance" is such a cool word. I have no idea why, honestly. I just love words so much.

Language in general is just so beautiful and interesting. Sometimes it only takes a word or two to make your point much more effectively than saying a paragraph or several. On top of that, I find language to be so beautiful in its imperfections, because even though we seem to think that our words make us effective communicators, it is actually our body that does the majority of the talking.

So some day maybe I'll write a book. Or maybe I'll finally finish some songs. Either way, I want to blow some minds with what I say in the lyrics or words and with what I don't say between the notes or sentences or phrases.


You just can't find beauty like that in the worldly things, you absolutely can't.

I don't understand why this relationship is so passive-aggressive. The excessive procrastination and the deep-seeded hatred that I'm experiencing. Letting this familiar enemy into my home in some sort of hope that they would change the error of their ways, all the while furthermore hoping that I'd change mine.

However, things are not improving. I fall short of the simplest promises I've made to myself, and I hope that I improve. My effort is insufficient and my heart is hard, so I guess I'll just sulk in this regret while pondering what I could do differently. Hopefully this won't perpetuate any guilt or a loss of worth...but we shall see.

Negativity, brohams

I realized that I've been a bit too negative about life.

I hear about how life sucks all the time from people, and to be honest I've done my fair share of partaking in this sort of behavior. Honestly, sometimes life does really suck, and this world isn't perfect. But the thing is, the beautiful thing is, we get to experience life, be it in the good or bad. Regardless, I'm happy to have the experience to experience the good things, such as the bright sun on a warm day, or the smell of the myriad of flowers I pass by while walking to my regular coffee shop, or the interesting people I meet every now and then. Its good stuff, and I want to find more beauty in the everyday simplicity in life.

Being a Radical

Today while in reverie, I have done some heavy weighing of myself and what I stand for. I have come to the conclusion that I have limited confidence in my art, and I am too afraid of expressing myself because of what some people may think of me.

The fact is, little change yields little result, and big changes yield big results. No matter what way I slice it, someone isn't going to like me. Maybe I can be more respected for the fact that I express myself rather than holding back out of fear of what others may think about me.

So tonight, I'm sayin' "eff it" and reinventing myself so that I can benefit and so that the world can get to know me after I have opened up to it.

Wavemaker

So I wrote an outro piece a while back that I had no name for, but today I decided to write a poem to lie underneath that instrumental piece in a lo-fi quality or whatever, and it'd sound really distant and cool. So here are the lyrics to it, and it will be posted soon on my myspace.


WAVEMAKER:
As I laid my eyes out to sea, I saw a figure looking back at me.
soft, secure, and everything I wanted to be.

for a moment in time I forgot who I was, where I'd been, and what I stood for.
but it didn't really matter, because I had the answer metaphorically knocking at my door.

soft eyes, a pleasant smile, gazing into my eyes and furthermore in my soul. How could I escape that? The light radiating purple and gold on the darkest night, a story so unfamiliar and never told to me...

this casket had been in front of me for too long. I had one foot in, one foot out, and not a second hint of doubt. with the gun laid next to me, a rope in my hand, and a bottle next to my other, I couldn't decide which direction I wanted to go, which path I may take, which would break me faster and less painfully.


Stifling? No, chains were broken. Bondage was freed of me, and it slipped away from me knowingly, that it never even had me, but I let it take me to wherever it wanted to be, or not take me anywhere, seemingly indefinitely, you know? I guess that's how it is some times.

But this new figure, bright and stunning, furthermore intelligent and cunning, wearing robes of glory and taking solace and refuge in the tabernacle of goodness, spoke out to me, forcefully, lovingly and said...

"I want you...follow me, and you will be more than you ever imagined you could be"

and that night, the animals howled in the moonlight, screaming and purring to the moon and the stars, forging their cries for help, as if a shrill screech and an empty head or heart would save them, and the wavemaker, this beautiful wavemaker, He carried me away in the waves of the starry mural painted in front of me.

and I left, far away, and I never wanted to return to the beach front that was littered with fragments of everything I used to be, and we remained symbiotic for eternity.

I had an emo moment today

I'm getting lost in my thoughts and vanity
and while everything is coming back to me
I can't sit still

I'm facing the expected deposition
and I'm sitting in the supposition
or uncertainty, if you will

I fell again, far from reckoned grace
laid suspended in danger's face
force-fed choruses and messages
and presumed impressions


lay me out on the ground outside
and ready the surgical gear to remove inside
the fragments

my body was shattered and infested
with the demons interested and stuck
in ligaments


and in the moment we're symbiotic
you've given me what I needed
my blood was pumped with this narcotic
that held all the words I heeded

I've gained the momentum to continue
on and to finally find refuge in
the unknown

and I'm vain and retrospective
and overconfident in my perspective
radiating glory

forgive me for the things that I've said
for reiterating and being misread
I don't have the time to dabble and pretend
I'm finally on my way, and this is the end

When you feel stifled and strangled

you need to get the fudge out. Get in a different environment and expand your possibilities.

My Thoughts on Faith

Faith: what you believe to be true about God.

This is what faith really is in Hebrew. So I offer you this analogy:

Think of it this way. If you're like, "Hey I would like friends" but you think "Well, they better come to me, cause I'm not coming to them" how many friends are you going to make? None.


God is a bit different, as He is willing to come to us on a daily basis, and most definitely does. However, we tend to blame our deficient communication with God on Him and not on ourselves. Ever the skeptics, we humans sure enjoy placing blame on anyone or anything but ourselves.

So instead of shouting from the hill tops that God is not real, how about having a conversation with Him or offering yourself to Him and saying, "Hey, just talk to me. I want to know that you are real." It truly depends on your attitude. If someone puts a hundred dollars in your face and you don't want to believe it is there, you won't believe it is there. But if you're open to the possibility of a hundred dollars being in front of your face, then you will start to see things a bit more clearly.

I've been keeping voice memos of every idea I get musically, and I've found that I come up with tons of ideas between 6pm and 9pm, and 11pm to about 3am. I've decided to make the most of this time and keep it free so that my ideas can flow naturally and without inhibition.

We got the jazz

I would really like to get a sweet sound system and just chill in total darkness with a cigarette in hand listening to smooth jazz. I just think the two red lights from the cigarette butt and the stereo would look like a robot with a lazy eye.

Also, smooth jazz always sounds great in the dark. It sounds like a relaxing time.

Healthy Eating

I hear this statement all the time:

"I'd really like to eat healthy, but its just way too expensive."

I used to think this too, until I actually took a trip to the grocery store and discovered that fresh fruit is actually a lot less expensive than you think. Also, when you eat these fresh fruits and vegetables, you really don't need as much food as you usually think you do.

I picked up the following today in order to make myself parfaits this week:

1.92 lb of Red Seedless grapes - $2.86
1.09 lb of Bananas - $0.60
1 large container of Strawberries - $1.50
1 large container of Blueberries - $1.50
1 32 oz. container of low fat vanilla yogurt - $2.00

TOTAL: $8.46

plus if you want to throw some granola on all that, and an extra 5 bucks for a huge box of granola. You're lookin' at the ability to make a lot of large parfaits. In comparison to McDonald's $1 parfaits, you could easily make 13 of them, if not more, and they'd be much better for you.

Also, a while back I bought a loaf of bread for 2 bucks, a jar of peanut butter for 4 (tops), and you have yourself a lot of peanut butter sandwiches, which are full of protein and carbs - necessary for life.

So I'm just saying its not as hard as everyone thinks it is.

Devotional Today

I really dislike reading...a lot. But today, I figured I should open up the devotional I have on my electronic bible, and I got this:

...Look back, believer: think of your doubting God when He has been so faithful to you--think of your foolish outcry of "Not so, my Father," when He crossed His hands in affliction to give you the larger blessing; think of the many times when you have read His providences in the dark, misinterpreted His dispensations, and groaned out, "All these things are against me," when they are all working together for your good! Think how often you have chosen sin because of its pleasure, when indeed, that pleasure was a root of bitterness to you! Surely if we know our own heart we must plead guilty to the indictment of a sinful folly; and conscious of this "foolishness," we must make David's consequent resolve our own--"_Thou shalt guide me with Thy counsel_."

This just resonated in my heart. I think its awesome, so hopefully you think its awesome too!


-Bert-

Dang girl, you must be Jewish, cause you're on fire

I think I wrote some of the worst music ever conceived in human history with two of my good friends tonight. Note to self: Never, ever make a comedy album....


Other Note To Self: Every album may be a comedy album with how awful it is...

To my brothers and sisters concerning the Spirit

I was reading me some Revised New King James when I stumbled upon something. I found something in the smallest of details concerning the spirit. Here is the passage - I'll dissect it:

12 1 Now concerning spiritual gifts, brethren, I would not have you be ignorant. 2 You know that when you were pagans, you were carried away by these dumb idols, however you were led. 3 Therefore, I want you to understand, that no man speaking by the Spirit of God calls Jesus accursed: and that no man can say that Jesus is Lord, except by the Holy Spirit. 4 Now there are various kinds of gifts, but the same Spirit. 5 And there are various kinds of service, but the same Lord. 6 And there are various kinds of working, but it is the same God who works all of them in all men. 7 But the manifestation of the Spirit is given to each man for the common good. 8 For to one is given by the Spirit the word of wisdom; to another the word of knowledge by the same Spirit; 9 To another faith by the same Spirit; to another the gifts of healing by that one Spirit; 10 To another the working of miracles; to another prophecy; to another discerning of spirits; to another various kinds of tongues; to another the interpretation of tongues: 11 But all these things are by one and the same Spirit, who distributes to every man as he wills.

take a look at the last sentence:

"But all these things are by one and the same Spirit, who distributes to every man as he wills."

For those of you familiar with the Bible, you will know that whenever they talk of the Spirit or God or Jesus, they capitalize the pronoun form of it always (so Him or He). I just picked up out of this small passage that it is not just the Spirit who distributes the gifts as He wills (because He always does), but it is according to our own wills as well. So if you want gifts, desire them wholeheartedly and you will receive them, provided you want them for all the right reasons.


-Bert-

a poem from a feeble mind

Since I've been writing lyrics on a daily basis, I've noticed my language has been generally more poetic. This is kind of weird to me, because I've felt like I've been regressing intellectually since I graduated high school, and lately it seems as if my language has improved, so bonus!

These are some of the lyrics I wrote for a new song I'm working on, called "Figuratively Speaking, You're Doing Just Fine." My guess is that you will hate the word "figuratively" by the time you're done reading it, which was done somewhat deliberately.


"Figuratively Speaking, You're Doing Just Fine" - Brett Engel

Figuratively speaking you're doing just fine
figuratively breaking down and breaking up lines
figuratively of course, cause this time

figuratively speaking you're staying together
figuratively enduring this weather
the rainy season and snowy nights
in this minor endeavor

figuratively speaking I'm totally involved
figuratively i'm listening to all
the issues you're facing
with all the figurative gall

that you have displayed so well
in a way only I can tell
cause my faith doesn't lie in the way your vocal chords
embell...
ish the way that you're

figuratively speaking, how you're holding on
to the notion that you can do no wrong
figuratively believing that you are receiving
a problem-free ticket to eternity

figuratively speaking this song is relatively
benevolent, mysterious, and subsequently
serious on a figurative level
to figuratively be riddled with fallacy

so figure out how you'll go about
figuring out how to overcome your doubt
cause my faith doesn't lie in the way the concordance
of your thoughts are shout out

so give me a break for a change
so my thoughts can get rearranged
cause my faith doesn't lie in the way you're estranged
and deranged from your clout

Figuratively speaking you're doing just fine
figuratively breaking down and breaking up lines
figuratively of course, it's only a matter of time
it's only a matter of time...


-Bert-

Its been a while...

Sorry for the lack of update here as of late. I've been really busy working, writing, meeting with people, getting new projects going, and working out gigs. I'll try to stay on top of things and find something to write about pretty much every day though, even if my blogs are fairly concise.

Anyway,

I'm sitting here in Spyhouse after work, drinking my iced latte that tastes like cigarette butts, which I for some reason still drink on a fairly regular basis, and I was reading some Jeremiah, thinking about spiritual gifts. Anyone that knows me and my involvement with Christ knows that I am a big proponent for bringing back the Spiritual Gifts and using them to bring God's kingdom and to use them in the Family business.

The reason I'm so passionate about the Spiritual gifts is because I think they're a fantastic way to edify the church and prove God's existence. Not only that, but I believe that the spiritual gifts are a good foundation to show people God's true character. Many non-christians for obvious reasons, and even a lot of christians don't really understand who God is or what He's about, surprisingly.

Interestingly every Christian has the ability to have spiritual gifts and exercise them, most notably those of healing and prophesy. Some Christians are very in depth with their prophesying, and they have been given expansive use of that gift, but I've seen numerous initially skeptical christians have prophetic utterances, myself included. And for those of you who are wondering about prophesy, it isn't like "You will die in fifteen days of pneumonia." Sometimes its those intuitive feelings you have where you know something but aren't really sure - those are called words of knowledge. For example, I have gone up to people and known they had cancer, knew their names, and even talked to someone online and knew their hair color, body weight, height, and eye color without even seeing a picture of them - and I'm color blind. Now to be clear, I am not saying this out of boast, because frankly that's not why I talk about it. I talk about it to glorify God and educate the members of the Church who are willing and eager to learn.

The other gift I'm focused on is healing. The thing is, any Christian who has the faith can heal whatever they can think of. I'm still learning all about this, but the things I've experienced so far have been incredible. I have gone to shows and seen people break legs, unable to walk, and then get healed twenty minutes later and walk like nothing ever happened. I have had people absolutely wrecked with overwhealming pains in their stomachs and backs, teamed up with Jesus to tell the pain that it had no authority, and then they were fine thirty seconds after that. I have shrunk tumors with the authority Jesus gave His followers, and by the power of his partnership with me. On top of that, I have gotten a prophetic word for a woman I did not even know, and with Jesus's authority and partnership, freed her of her depression. I tell you this just to show you that if I can do this stuff through the authority that Jesus has given to ALL Christians, and if you personally have the faith (aka, the things that you believe to be true about God), then you can do this, too.

I have this intense, firey passion to see these things renewed and revived in the Church. I love to see Him glorified and seen in the correct perspective. I also hope to show people this correct perspective so they can also understand Him like I have gotten the pleasure to know. If you want proof of anything I just said, I'll be happy to supply it, as well as Bible verses to back some of this up.

Thanks for reading!

-Bert-

Relationship, baby

PREFACE: This is a response to a conversation I was having with a good friend, so just retain that frame of mind while you are reading. This was made some time around the end of April I believe, but I found it in my archive of files on my computer. Maybe someone will get something out of it.


WARNING: This is a long note to read

Last night I was praying on my way to Minneapolis in my vehicle about a lot of different things. One of the things that came up when I was talking to God was the whole idea or school of thought of Jesus being our best buddy/lover.

I clicked on my SME Devotional on my macsword for April 1 - there is a devotional for morning and for night, so I was going to read the one for the morning. It took a verse from Song of Solomon and proceeded to talk about Jesus from the lover standpoint. However, this was just the interpretation or feelings of the particular individual who wrote up the devotional. It went as follows:

Morning:
"Let Him kiss me with the kisses of His mouth." --Song of Solomon 1:2 For several days we have been dwelling upon the Saviour's passion, and for some little time to come we shall linger there...

It continues on, but I just wanted to give you that to show you the idea. Anyway, my thirst for wisdom in this area was not satiated, as this is not really irrefutable truth on the subject matter I was in a quest of understanding for, as this was just one person's inference. So I noticed something else - for like two or three weeks I have had John 14 open, and I have not had the heart to close out of it. Just so you know, I have many, many windows open in my mac sword at a given time because I usually get distracted, bored, or confused by something and figure I'll come back to it later.

I believe you made a reference to something out of John 14 a while back, so I went and looked up the verse and never exited out of the window. Tonight, I felt strongly that I should check this out. I believe God has given me the answer which I was searching for, albeit not necessarily what I want to hear. I'm going to copy/paste some of it and give you the run through on what went through my mind. Oh, and I've noticed that John 14 is chalk-full of all kinds of good stuff with so much I could make points about, but I'll try my best to stick to just this particular subject :p


JOHN 14
2 In my Father's house are many dwelling places: if it were not so, I would have told you. I GO TO PREPARE A PLACE FOR YOU. 3 And if I go and prepare a place for you, I WILL COME AGAIN, and RECEIVE you to MYSELF that where I am, there you may be also. 4 AND YOU KNOW THE WAY TO THE PLACE WHERE I GO.

I put some of the important stuff to me in caps. Basically, ya know, Jesus is telling these dudes that everyone's got a place in heaven and He's going to go prepare a place for these guys when they die, and that they already know the way to heaven.

5 Thomas said to him, Lord, we do not know where you are going; so how can we know the way?


In my head I'm picturing Thomas going "Wtf are you talking about Jesus?"

6.1 Jesus said to him, I am the way, the truth, and the life:

And so Jesus annihilates Thomas's question with the most ridiculously awesome statement ever "I AM THE WAY" - The way to what though, I ask?

6.2 no man comes to the Father, but by me.

I've heard about this Jesus, but please elaborate.

7 If you had known me, you would have known my Father also: and from henceforth you know him, and have seen him. 8 Philip said to him, Lord, show us the Father, and it will satisfy us.

I love Philip, because this is basically exactly what I'm thinking. We are alike in the sense that we just want to see God and be with him. That's all Philly is wanting, just like me, so how's that gonna go down?

9.1 Jesus said to him, Have I been so long with you, and yet you do not know me, Philip? he who has seen me has seen the Father;

That's pretty effin' bold.

9.2 and how then do you say, Show us the Father? 10 Do you not believe that I am in the Father, and the Father in me?
the words that I speak to you I do not speak of my own accord: but the Father who dwells in me, he does his works. 11 Believe me that I am in the Father, and the Father in me: or else believe me because of the works themselves.

So what I get out of this is that Jesus is blatantly saying, "Look, I am the answer. If you want to get to know God, get to know me. I'm not talking out of my butt here, fellas. I'm doing His will here as flesh and blood. You've been in the presence of God this whole time, and you're just now realizing this."

This is way more important than I initially realized. The biggest factor in the importance of having an intimate relationship with Jesus is the benefit of being able to understand the character of Jesus based upon his works and actions. See, we can read about the things Jesus did in the Bible and get an idea of his heart and character, you know? Like we have a record of what He did that we can go reflect on. Well we have that in the Old Testament with God himself, but it was more of commands God ordered or other prophecies and not really so much the character.

12 Truly, truly, I say to you, He who believes in me, the works that I do he shall do also; and he shall do greater works than these; because I go to my Father.

In this verse, I am interpreting "works" as not only the miracles Jesus performed, but just His actions in general. His general attitude, heart, character, and personality, the spirit of giving, things like that. The concept of the Lord is so...abstract and just crazy to grasp. But Jesus was a man. Its a lot easier to get to know a person rather than a God, because we have some experience dealing with people. That is really why I believe that Jesus said He was the way to get to the Father. If we know Jesus, we know God, there's no change - nothing's different. And I think that if we really read about the things Jesus did we can judge his character or "works" pretty well and see the goodness he had.


Just food for thought I guess...

13 And whatever you shall ask in my name, that will I do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son. 14 If you shall ask anything in my name, I will do it. 15 If you love me, you will keep my commandments. 16 And I will pray to the Father, and he shall give you another Comforter, that he may abide with you forever;




To wrap up this novel, I don't think "best buddies" or "homeboys" is the proper relationship to have with Jesus. I really feel like its one of reverence, compassion, and a desire to get to know Him more. Its really hard to describe what I'm thinking, but to try my hardest here, I'd say that its a different kind of love and appreciation you don't feel for any other person. What gets me is not the dying on the cross, but His "no sweat" attitude and character, the loving of the people that hated him and his unfailing respect for those who disrespected him. How he would take in the unwanted, the broken, the unappreciated, and the sick. Just one dude that completely introduced a whole new concept to the whole world, I think that's phenomenal. Basically, it goes above and beyond the BFF stage, but I would not consider Jesus my "lover," because I envision a lover as...well, not that. I don't know, but I still don't see Jesus as the kind of lover from Song of Songs. I really don't feel like Jesus thinks my legs are like fine gems and my breasts like twin fawns, or vice versa, know what I'm saying?


Anywho, these are the conclusions I've come to. Feel free to call me out on something or share your opinions/thoughts/feelings/et cetera.




-Bert-

Taking Action

Originally posted Saturday, June 6, 2009 at 2:05pm


Lately I've been thinking about how many people go through life with no real sense of purpose or any types of goals in mind intended to bring about positive change for the greater good. This has really disturbed me.

What is the purpose of life with no action? I mean, we all have things that we say we would like to do. Some people have said, "I would really like to go bungee jumping before I die," or "I really want to travel the world before I die," or even "I want to start being more happy and carefree." Very simple things and very elaborate things, it doesn't really matter. Why put off these things for a later date? I'm guilty of it myself, and I fully acknowledge this. But why should we go bungee jumping when we're 45? Why should we travel the world when we're retired? And why don't we put more effort into living a more happy and carefree life right now? The fact is you're not guaranteed to live til you're 70 or 40 or even an hour from now.

Whoever reads this note, I'm giving you a challenge. Start taking action for something. Preferably, take action for something that can help impact the world in a bold and positive way. I am going to start advocating more for drug free lifestyles and to help addicts of meth and cocaine get back on their feet and get a second chance. I have no idea how I'm going to go about doing this, but that's my goal, and I can figure out the details along the way.

So start doing something - you don't have that much time left. And at the end of your life, whenever it may be, you'll be proud that you helped to positively affect the way that you and your neighbors live, instead of wishing you would've done something.

God bless you all


-Bert-

Smoking is truly a huge waste of time...

Originally posted on Friday, June 12, 2009 at 9:42pm

So I'd like to put in perspective how truly time consuming and worthless smoking is.

Lets just take someone who smokes 5 cigarettes a day as an example - that is only 1/4 pack. The average cigarette burns for about 7 minutes, so we'll use 7 minutes in our math problem.

After smoking 1 carton of cigarettes (200 smokes, which would take 40 days):

60 minutes = 1 hour (given)

200 cigarettes x 7 minutes = 1,400 minutes

1400 minutes / 60 minutes = 23.333 hours

It would've taken you 23.333 hours to smoke the cigarettes, on top of all the time you would knock off your life. So that'd be 23 hours of lost productivity - nearly 1 whole real day, or 3 8 hour days of work - just in the act of smoking.

For someone smoking a pack a day, they'd reach that same 23 hours and 20 minutes of time wasted in 10 days versus 40. I dunno, just something I thought I'd share for anyone who cares.


-Bert-

Living Life, Not Letting Life Live You

For some (including myself), this is a hard concept to grasp, but a very important one.

I'm going to dive right into this - emotional pain really sucks. It can easily be the most damaging and most devastating issue for people to deal with. I think I can safely say that every one of us carries around some sort of emotional scars of some sort.

Unfortunately, many of us take the emotional scars that we incur and turn them into something much, much more.

I recall a time when I was younger when I was playing football on the playground at the elementary school. Anyone that knew the Pocahontas Area Elementary School playground knows it was asphalt covered with those little pea rocks everywhere, and that tended to make some fun times of sliding all over the place. Anyway, during one particular game of football I slipped on the rocks and gashed my knee open pretty hard core. Little pea rocks were lodged inside of my knee, and it eventually created a huge scar on my knee cap.

I still have that scar today on my knee, but can I still move my knee, and does it still function? Yes.

Emotional pain is a bit different, because it doesn't directly affect some physical part of our bodies like an arm, a leg, chest, back, or anything else for that matter. Regardless, many people tend to take that emotional scar that they incur and greatly exaggerate it, often times using it as a crutch or an excuse.

-Someone had a broken heart, and now they can't open up to the opposite sex because they're afraid of getting hurt.

-Someone's family was involved in drugs or alcohol, so now they're standoffish and on guard constantly.

-Someone was cheated on, now they have trust issues regarding the opposite sex.

Those are just a couple examples I could think up off the top of my head.

Would you let one small scar on your arm render you immobile? Would you let one giant scar on your chest render you immobile? Why would you let an emotional scar render you immobile?

People have way too much good to give to the world. People have too much awesome stuff to share with people - their personalities, their stories, their gifts, talents, wisdom, advice, and I could go on all day about everything else. So live your life! Make it the most incredible experience you can make it - you only have one shot at it. Don't let it live you - don't let the negativity encompass you or let fear control your life. Don't let a past experience that was scary or traumatic keep you from living the rest of your life in a fun, positive, uplifting way.

Good always triumphs evil, and love never fails, so quit letting prior bad experiences hold you back from having new, amazing ones!


Maybe that was redundant, but I don't really care, because this is really important to me, and hopefully it is to you too


-Bert-

F1rst!

So this is my first post on my new blog site. I've had some requests to make a blog, and I figured it'd be a schweet idea. I'm going to try to make this a semi-regular thing- every couple days, weekly at the longest. I don't know, we'll see whatever happens.